Question #137 Tobey Maguire
On New Year's Eve 2003, my friend Zach wrote a brilliant song called, "If I were Tobey Maguire for a Day," in which he contemplated the places he would go, the women he would woo, the food he would eat, and the overall wonderful day he would have. But in the end, he just decided to "fuck a horse."
What would you do if you were Tobey Maguire for a day?
*If you're unsure, you should review Tobey's Wikipedia page, and note that Mr. Maguire earned $17 Million in 2004 for Spiderman 2 alone.
10 comments:
I would buy a Ford truck and then take it off-raoding all day and then at the end of the day drive it off a cliff but jump out just at the right time so that the truck crashes onto the rocks and is consumed by a fiery explosion.
My (Tobey Maguire's) friends would be watching the crash and believing I was dead and then, as they were crying I would walk up and ask them what they were crying about and they'd punch me and then hug me and call me "you old so and so".
I would also promise all of Tobey Maguire's associates that I would do things for them tomorrow and postpone any responsibility at all for the day and make the next day a DAY OF RECKONING.
I'd demand that Phil & Jake write the script (or at least plot outline) for Spider-Man 4.
Then I'd call Kirsten Dunst and invite her over to my mansion on the moon to watch a gladiator battle in my backyard arena.
First I would get up and have my private chef cook me the morning's first egg, which would be laid by an organic chicken in my garden.
Next, I will get on the phone with my agent and demand that all of my current roles be recast by Jake Gyllenhal and then announce my early retirement, but not before I
call Ethan Embry to apologize for ruining his career by taking all of the roles that required a young, annoyingly introspective, and optimistic male lead right when his career was taking off.
Having been present for the inaugural performance of "(If I Were) Tobey Maguire for a Day" I'm a little biased, but I would probably just masturbatae all day, then later tell people I had sex with Tobey Maguire, which would partially be true. But that's a little gay, so maybe I'd just throw a football to myself, then tell people I had sex with Tobey Maguire.
and I'd fuck a horse!!
I would have a sex-a-thon with hot starlets (probably 4 at a time) and would demand they wear sexy lingerie at all times while in my 10 million dollar mansion.
I would also have a butter shower. That is a shower where the starlets would go into and get sprayed down by butter, doi. I would just sit back and watch in my silk robe and extremely comfortable Ugg slippers.
Thank You,
Tobey Maguire
I'm still sold on the horse-fucking, but I'd also like to call up Leo DiCaprio while my wife is out shopping and tell him we need to get the Pussy Posse back together. Then I'd tell him to come over to play some basketball in the backyard, and then I would suggest he and I massage each other.
isn't he married with kid? doesn't that change things?
i don't know. take the woman and kid to an island some place. that is my standard answer to any question involving $17 million. go to a private island.
I'd spend entire day eating and forwarding funds to offshore accounts accessible only to the real me.
Stride down Rodeo Drive with no pants, cock in hand, loudly proclaiming that i am Spiderman and asking passerbys if they'd like to see my web-slinging action.
I'd go straight to James Franco's house and just gaze at him all day.
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