Question #157 Russia
Why do we need Russia to be our friend/ally? Meaning, what can Russia possibly do for us? i.e., What is Russia good for, anyway?
*Bonus: Just who does Russia think it is?
Monday, October 29, 2007
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13 comments:
I'm not sure that I have a very good answer to the question posed... Though if we were ever to get on Russia's bad side again, my life here in the Richmond neighborhood would probably get a bit stranger than its current strangeness... And the Mission, is just too far from GG Bridge. Is that a good enough reason?
Two reasons:
1. Russian criminals-- even in the U.S.-- pay tribute back to the motherland. It's usually paid in the most readily-available currency: stolen identities. Russia has been stockpiling this resource for over a decade. Some day, the world stores of identities are going to run out and we'll all be completely dependent on Russia for supplying us with names, addresses, Social Security Numbers, etc.
2. If we turn our backs on them, they might sic the Russian Winter on us.
I think if the Russians were to have a giant database of valuable American identity data they would store it on an old 5" floppy disk for MS-DOS, and then lose it in a sunken submarine that Putin refuses to tow. Russia is an asshole and I don't need it.
And to answer my own bonus, I don't know who Russia thinks it is, but it doesn't scare me.
The Russians have all the oil and half the missiles so we have to do be their friends. Putin has almost definitely personally killed people when he was in the KGB.
second part first, russia is a stupid bitch. that being said, russia really can't do anything for the us. the superjet100 is a really good example of how impotent russia is at this time. in the face of the airbus, russia has opted to enter the regional-jet market by creating a series of 75 and 120 seat jets for domestic travel. the plane would never have gotten off the ground (intended) if boeing hadn't consulted and pretty much built the plane themselves. none of the technology is advanced or innovative; the plane is built like a kit car with systems that work straight out of the box. if anything, at least the superjet100 should have some quality vodka for the in flight beverages.
that being said, all russia is good for is mail order brides.
They create the smartest Jews.
Phil's comment stole all my thunder but that is basically it. They have 20 thousand or so nuclear warheads, a shitload of oil and natural gas, and a propensity for massive conflagrations leading to millions of deaths. It'd be best if we just kept on their good side, we have enough problems with the rest of the world. Also Putin is super hunky!
We need Russia as an ally in the imminent racial holy war. 8814!
Two words: ".ru"
Also I agree with Anonymous when [s]he said: "They create the smartest Jews."
Further I would like to add that I have often fantasized about somehow being able to change my social security number to get out from under the massive debt/bad credit etc.. "Who am I kidding" I then say to myself. Starting over never works I would eff up my new identity just as bad I am positive of it.
I'm okay with Russia. I like the food and LOVE the way they dance.
Also, The Princess Bride wisely tells us that there are two things we should never do: Never start a land war in Asia, and never bet against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
Russian Jews are so smart that most of them left. Russia's really anti-semitic. Ariel, I refuse to believe you like Russian food.
Russia has beautiful women, the men are so-so but seem sketchy.
My friend goes to Russia for her studies and once told me a stroy about how they have a chained bear in their circus.
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